In a space of pure whiteness, the giant blocky title and a certain rose emblem drop from the sky to the ground, where the four miniaturized members of Team RWBY pop out from behind it to smile, wave and adopt poses for the audience while an unseen speaker announces the show as: "RWBY CHIBI"!
Ozpin: You know, sometimes I feel a little guilty sending students off on these dangerous missions. Eh, they’ll be fine.
Behind him, Lie Ren bounces into view, grunting, but landing on his feed dramatically and holding out a ring of keys.
Ozpin: Lie Ren, did you complete your quests for the Artifacts of Entry?
Ren: You mean these house keys?
Ozpin: (dramatically) They are known by many names.
Ren: (unimpressed) Is one of those names “housekeys”?
Ozpin: (snatching them) Names aren’t important. Better make a copy of these.
Ruby Rose, her cloak on fire, slowly starts to walk up to them.
Ozpin: Miss Rose, did you recover the—
Ruby holds up a finger, cutting him off.
Ruby: Just a second.
She falls onto her back and rolls side to side a little bit, putting out the fire. Immediately, she is on her feet again, energized.
Ruby: Ah, OK. Here’s your Scroll (coughing) I mean the Artifact of Knowledge.
Ozpin gives her a “gimme” gesture as she speaks and Ruby tosses it to her professor. Ozpin immediately opens it.
Ozpin: You, um, you didn’t look at the photo gallery, did you?
Ruby: Well, mostly I was trying to escape the forest alive. Heh-eh.
Looking through his images, Ozpin gasps.
Ozpin: I still haven’t deleted my photos from the faculty costume party, which turned out not to be a costume party at all. (angrily) Port.
Ren: You wanna talk about it?
Ozpin: Erase. Erase. Oh, OK, that looks pretty good.
Ozpin turns in such a way that Ren can see the image on the Scroll. He gasps and then tries to hold back from vomiting.
Ozpin: Nice legs, Oz. You worked that look.
Ruby: No, wait, wait. Are you just sending us on quests to find stuff you misplaced and calling them Artifacts?
Ozpin: (putting the Scroll away). Ruby Rose, I am shocked. Shocked and dismayed at these baseless accusations.
Screaming, Jaune Arc falls from the sky and lands on the ground beside Ozpin.
He looks up and gasps eagerly when he sees the headmaster, coming grandiosely to one knee.
Jaune: Professor Ozpin. I have retrieved the Spectacles of Farsight. They were in the Crevice of Comfort, just as you foretold.
Ozpin takes his glasses from Jaune.
Ozpin: Darn those couch cushions.
Ruby: I knew it!
Ozpin: (pointing) Look! A distraction!
Ruby and Jaune focus, but Ren immediately turns back to see Ozpin flee. He growls, not noticing that Ozpin’s cane twirls in midair before flying itself after Ozpin.
Ruby: (self-satisfied) I copied the photos.
A chalkboard reads “WEAPON TUNE UP DAY” with images of a hammer, a double-headed axe Crescent Rose and Professor Port. There are several whirring noises and the chalkboard falls forward to reveal a classroom. Port stands beside Ruby, who is using a drill to tighten screws on Crescent Rose.
Port: Good work, Miss Rose.
Port: I like your style.
Yang beams and Port moves on to Weiss Schnee. Weiss is wearing a mask to protect Myrtenaster from her breath as she is looming closely over it. A stand of several-sized magnifying glasses on their own extendable arms is helping her to focus as she fine tunes her weapon.
Port: Very professional!
Weiss smiles and spins her hand tool while Myrtenaster’s cylinder spins. Port moves on to Penny Polendina, who is heat-lasering from her eyes to sharpen the blade on one of her suspended swords.
Penny smiles, striking a cute pose. Port moves on to Jaune, who is whacking Crocea Mors with a Pumpkin Pete squeaky hammer.
Jaune slides his sword to him, slicing the hammer and causing it to deflate a bit. He ignores it to gaze down at his weapon.
Jaune: Oh, yeah. That’s nice.
Torchwick: I’ll admit. That evil plan didn’t quite work out, but it’s OK. I have many more schemes. I’m the schemiest. I am heavy with schemes!
Neopolitan holds up a sign: “AND LIGHT ON ADJECTIVES”.
Torchwick: I present to you…
He hits the red button and the floor opens up to reveal the large red Death Ray.
Torchwick: ...the Death Ray!
Neopolitan is happy to see it and she applauds.
The warehouse door opens; a smoky and smudged Torchwick and Neo enter, him dragging the equally ashy Death Ray.
Torchwick: Alright! So, it still has a few bugs to work out.
Neopolitan’s sign now reads:: “LIKE BLOWING UP?”
Torchwick: I have other evil inventions.
He tosses his bowler hat and a metal device with knobs and pipes falls onto his head.
Torchwick: Behold! (rolling his R and doing jazz hands) The Brrrrrain Scrambler!
The warehouse has the Death Ray set to the side, with Torchwick’s hat atop it. The door opens and Torchwick steps jerkily in, the Brain Scrambler making whirring noises.
Torchwick: Me-me-be-me-mental note! The Brain Scrambler goes on the victim’s head, not on my! My, my my!
An unimpressed Neopolitan has already followed Torchwick in when the Brain Scrambler falls off.
Torchwick: What was I saying?
“IT DOESN’T MATTER” reads Neopolitan’s sign now. There’s a beat before Torchwick straightens up, exclaiming.
Torchwick: Ah! Yes! My greatest invention.
He spins and a spot light shines on him as he comes to a stop. Holding out his arm, his left hand and wrist are covered with a metallic glove that has a red buzzer on the inside of the palm. Neopolitan’s eyes grow wide.
Torchwick: The Infinitude Glove is the ultimate embodiment of evil! And it comes with wifi.
He strikes another pose, flexing the fingers inside the glove.
Torchwick: Watch out, Red! Torchwick is coming for you!
He laughs evilly while Neopolitan fans herself, grinning.
Torchwick kicks the door open and throws the glove at the discard pile, which includes the bowler-wearing Death Ray and the Brain Scrambler. Torchwick himself still has on a bowler hat.
Torchwick: If wifi is gonna drain the batteries that fast, then what’s the point?!
He falls to his knees, despairing and then prostrating himself.
Torchwick: What’s the po-oi-oint?!
Neopolitan enters to see this display. She puts her hands on her hips while Torchwick kicks his legs and sobs like a toddler. An ide comes to her though, and she holds up a sign: “FROYO?”
In Vale, the two emerge from FRO’ GO Frozen Yogurt, Torchwick in the lead and carrying pink frozen yogurt on a sugar cone.
Torchwick: Brain food! We’ll enjoy a frozen treat, then enjoy Ruby’s defeat!
As he laughs, the door shuts behind them. He leans over and sticks out his tongue, ready to lick, but the frozen treat falls splat onto the sidewalk. Neo shakes her head and takes Torchwick by the hand as they cross the street.
Torchwick: (sadly) Just once, I wish things would go my way.
They are just barely out of view when Ruby, eyes closed, skips down the sidewalk and slips on Torchwick’s mess.
Ruby: Whoa, mama!
She falls onto her back, kicking the frozen yogurt into the air, where it falls onto her forehead.
Ruby: Oh! My back! I’m completely defeated!
Ruby lies back and groans.